I Bought a Coaching Program Because She Said “See How You Feel”
AND I didn't realize what happened until it was already done.
That's the thing about being a kinesthetic person. A FEELER. You don't decide with your head.
You feel your way into yes… or you feel your way out of it entirely.
So when a coach I was considering ended our discovery call with "why don't you take some time and see how you feel about it?" - I was gone. Sold. Where do I sign, because THIS IS THE COACH I NEED TO CHANGE MY LIFE.
My nervous system said yes before my rational mind even had a chance to weigh in.
Typical feeler.
It wasn't until way later, after I'd enrolled, that I understood exactly what had happened.
And I'll be honest — I'm trained in this stuff, and it still got me.
She hadn't just asked me to think it over. She'd spoken my language. And in the brain, that changes everything.
A quick primer (I promise this is the useful part)
In Neuro-Linguistic Programming, one of the foundational ideas is that people have a primary representational system — a dominant sensory channel through which they interpret reality, make decisions, and assign meaning.
There are three main ones:
Visual. These people think in pictures. They process fast, often speak fast, and reach for language like "I see what you mean," "picture this," "that looks right to me."
Auditory. They process through language and sound. They love a thorough explanation, care deeply about tone, and say things like "that resonates," "I hear you," "sounds like a plan."
Kinesthetic. They feel their way through the world. Body-led. Sensation-first. "Something feels off," "that really landed," "my gut is telling me yes."
That last one? That's me.
Why this matters in every conversation
Most people walk into a conversation - a sales call, a coaching session, a hard talk with someone they love - and speak entirely from their own system, not on purpose. It's just that ingrained.
That’s how we share.
A visual person will pull up a beautiful deck and talk about clarity.
An auditory person will explain everything in thorough detail and care about how it all sounds.
A kinesthetic person will ask how something feels and make room for processing.
And if the person across from you lives in a completely different system, you can be saying all the right things, and it still won't quite land.
Because the delivery isn't speaking their internal language.
When that coach said "see how you feel," she blended two systems in one sentence.
But feel activated mine.
It sent a signal to my nervous system: she gets it. This is safe. This is my kind of environment. I’m going to pay you now.
I didn't consciously register any of it. My body just responded.
How to actually start using this (ethically!)
You really don’t need any kind of training to make this powerful. You just have to start listening differently.
(please note: this works amazingly when trying to communicate with kids.)
In your next conversation that matters - listen for the sensory words the other person reaches for naturally.
Not what they're saying, but how they're saying it. What words they’re using that let you know how they process data.
Are they painting pictures?
Talking about what things look like, asking if you can see it, wanting to show you something?
Are they processing out loud?
Do they want to talk it all the way through, do they need things to make sense, do they light up when an explanation finally clicks?
Are they checking in with their body?
Do they say things feel right - or off? Do they need time to sit with something before they can move?
Once you hear it, mirror it back. Gently. Naturally. Not mimicking - matching.
“I hear what you’re saying…”
“I see what you mean…”
“I feel you…”
Use their vocabulary. Meet them in their sensory channel. Watch the conversation shift.
One thing I want to say clearly…
This is a powerful tool. Which means it comes with real responsibility.
Language mirroring used with integrity deepens connection, improves understanding, and makes people feel genuinely seen. Used manipulatively, it's exploitation. We don't do that here. BECAUSE WE’RE NOT SCAMMY OVER HERE.
The goal is resonance, not control.
The difference between attunement and manipulation is intent, and it matters.
That coach wasn't tricking me. She was communicating in a way that felt native to how I experience the world. That's good communication. That's what this work is actually about.
SO. REMEMBER.
Your words carry more than content.
They carry a signal - one that tells someone's nervous system whether this conversation is a match.
Learn to listen for that signal. Learn to meet people where they actually are.
And watch what happens when someone finally feels like you're talking to them and not just at them.
That's what I paid for without knowing it. Honestly? Worth every penny.
Kind of.
smith + soma is where buyer behavior gets decoded. If you’ve ever replayed a conversation wondering wtf happened - you’re in the right place.
